When I was recently diagnosed with Narrow Angle Glaucoma, I was stunned. I got stuck on the anxiety of the surgery that I was told I urgently need in both eyes while I went through the motions of picking out new glasses after my exam. I have often thought that eye surgery must be about one of the worse things someone could experience as a medical procedure because of vision being threatened and for the very fact that in this unique process one definitely can't look away from what is about to happen.
That evening, I was suffering with back pain and couldn't sleep anyway so I spent the night looking the condition up and considering the prospects. On site after site the same reminder kept coming up and for the first time in my life, I was facing the possibility that I could go blind at basically any moment.
Just the thought of it was terrifying! I am a very visual person who has spent a good deal of my life making a living out of adjusting things in the visual plane such as in: Construction, Decorating, Landscaping, Trailblazing, Photography, Art, Writing, and Website building. Besides that, staring out at nature's wonders and beauty has always been my most enjoyable pastime. I would rather sit and stare at a sunset over the ocean than do just about anything else I can think of.
Then I went into high gear with the fear of it and considered how much I would miss seeing my family and friends' faces, my home full of precious treasures and reminders of my past, my yard full of colorful flowers, the birds out back, the highway ahead of me and the list grew and grew. Finally I had to take notes of what I need to do in the immediate time ahead in the event that I go blind before, during or after surgery.
I need to get my house in order so that I know fairly well where everything is, ask friends and family to send me pictures in case I don't get to see them again and make decisions about how certain aspects of my plans for career and just plain old living might pan out. The imagination of how much my life would change forever was so very depressing and frightening especially when I came around to what it would be like to be stuck in the dark with this incredibly loud noise I have going on inside of my head via Tinnitus. I thought I would lose my mind during the first two years of having that alone and I really can't imagine what having it with no visual stimulation to distract at least a bit would be like. NO, I don't want to ever find out! That would be like hell on earth for me.
Finally I gave up these fears and imaginings to God because there is nothing that I can do if it happens other than prepare the best I can for it. And that is what I am doing and will be doing until the day I find myself in a surgeon's chair. But clearly I have become vastly aware of the blessing of vision on a level I have never been before. And I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone of this blessing and to encourage you to take care of your eyes and to be sure to gaze upon something beautiful on this earth every day with enjoyment and appreciation not only for what you see but also for the ability to see it. I feel urged to remind everyone to count your blessings no matter how few you think they might be and to not take even one aspect of your health and abilities for granted.
I'm going forward with the strong thought in mind that I want to see as much as I can before it is too late. Every moment of vision will be precious from now on. I will never complain about another gloomy day, a mess that I have to clean up after, or upsetting news that I read. Everything I see from here forward will first of all be a blessing. I have put those who are blind on my daily prayer list as they have my respect and sympathy more than ever before. I am also thinking about how to better accomodate the blind in what I do.
Thank you to friends and family for your prayers as I walk down this path. They are greatly appreciated.
