CLIMATOLOGY FOR PROGTURDS
R. A. Schultz
They started by warning us of a coming ice age. Somewhere along the line, they collectively changed the narrative and told us that the planet was warming faster than it ever had, and that the starting point for this warming trend was the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. Something had to be done to at least arrest this trend. Professional alarmists came forward wringing their hands in agony, telling us that the very existence of life on Earth is threatened. They called this phenomenon global warming or, more specifically, anthropogenic global warming, or simply, AGW.
Have you ever noticed that, according to progturds, everything that’s even remotely amiss with the world is the fault of the existence of humanity? Of course, the ultimate conceit consists of the progturd article of faith that we can actually do something about phenomena such as the changing climate or the supposedly-associated rising sea level!
Professional politicians, seeing a potential for yet another scam to fleece the populace and/or to exert additional CONTROL over that same populace, jumped aboard the AGW bandwagon and, thanks to the pompous know-nothing blowhard Algore, the situation rapidly went from pressing to urgent to critical. “Battle stations! Battle stations! This is not a drill!” The ice caps are melting! The seas are rising! Polar bears are drowning or worse, mating with grizzly’s! The Russians are coming! Oh, wait. We simply had to stop smoking El Presidente cigars! We simply had to stop driving SUV’s and trade them in for Priuses!
The industrialized nations of the West, we were admonished, were the worst offenders. We could stop AGW in its tracks if we in the civilized part of the world would only give up our hateful lifestyle, don grass skirts, and set up our households in caves, while transferring all of our wealth to the Aborigines, filtered, of course, through the sieve of our New World Order rulers.
EUREKA! The Lefties came up with the idea of a carbon tax because, after all, we were all leaving a carbon footprint. They developed this hare-brained idea even further, with carbon credits and other fraudulent schemes to soak the populace. Carbon dioxide, we were told by these Wizards of Smart, is a “greenhouse gas,” that is trapping pollution close to the surface of Earth, and WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!
The science, we are told, “is settled.” We are all guilty of murdering our planet. We’re doomed. It seems to me that I recall that I learned in junior high school that if something is “settled,” it ain’t science. But again, that’s probably just me and my faulty memory.
But suddenly! (Without warning!); Hark, the herald angels sing! The 0bama was nominated to the presidency, and spoke to his apostles and other adoring worshippers thusly:
The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge with profound humility, and knowledge of my own limitations. But I also face it with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people. Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth. This was the moment - this was the time - when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals. Thank you, God Bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America."
Wow! How inspiring! How impressive! What total BULLS#!t!!! It sounds to me like the sort of rot a high school valedictorian in Detroit might try to get away with, but again, that’s just me. Can y’all believe he actually SAID that with a straight face?
A political science educated career law enforcement and security practitioner by trade, I am by no means a climatologist. However, an undergraduate and post graduate minor in geography coupled with another undergraduate minor in geology has acquainted me with sufficient knowledge to become what the politically correct today refer to as a climate change denier. Of course, this is prima facie absurd as no one can deny the climate is changing. The fossil and geological records show us that climate has been changing since the beginning of time. The same records show that man had nothing to do with it! Indeed, climate change was occurring long before we even got here!
As for all that carbon dioxide we’re pumping into the atmosphere, it’s 100% biodigestible. Carbon dioxide is plant food, for G-d’s sake! Besides, has anyone ever witnessed, either in person or on film, a volcanic eruption? When Pinatubo blew its top in 1991, it subsequently vented into the atmosphere more carbon dioxide than the sum total of all human endeavor since humans have walked on Earth. Volcanic ash hanging in the upper atmosphere produced stunningly beautiful sunsets and for about two years produced a 2-degree reduction in worldwide temperatures. And what happened? It’s all gone! All that ash and carbon dioxide has dissipated. The plants ate the carbon dioxide and the ash was distributed, apparently quite lightly, over the majority of the planet.
As for those rising sea levels, I haven’t yet heard of anyone suggesting the possibility that the sea levels aren’t really rising after all, but the tectonic plates upon which the continents rest just might be sinking! OMG! Whatever will we do? How, pray tell, will driving Priuses solve that?
The thought comes to mind of the questions raised by Congressman Hank Johnson (D-GA) of the House Armed Services Committee on April 1, 2010, about the possibility of Guam capsizing because of the assignment of too many Marines to the island (Ya can’t make this stuff up!). Perhaps we could make it easy: If every American would lose just one pound, we could relieve the downward pressure on the North American tectonic plate by more than three hundred million pounds, thereby relieving that much pressure on the plate, and perhaps helping somewhat in the slowing of sea level “rise.” Guam will just have to fend for itself. Maybe installing outriggers would help?
Perhaps it’s got something to do with my rather advanced age (74), and a somewhat more fatalistic concept of life. Let’s face it, folks, we’re all gonna die, somehow, sometime. Quite candidly, I’m rather hopefully anticipating the unexpected arrival of a stray asteroid about the size of Kansas that would finish off the whole damned planet all at once. (OMG! Whatever can we do about THAT?) In the meantime, I think I’ll take a ride on the beach this evening in my SUV, enjoy an El Presidente, and return home to my lovely Annette to enjoy a double Margarita!
