Hurricane Matthew struck my home town a week ago today

I finally got my computer set back up as it and peripherals were one of a few things I prioritized to take with me when I evacuated. I also took pictures, videos, jewelry, guns and ammo, and important papers along with food, clothes, health care and cat care items. 

Two days prior to this storm an elderly family member died and was buried on Wednesday. My emergency state started during her passing when at that time I didn't know if the storm would be a threat. Immediately after the funeral it became clear the storm seemed to be heading straight for me. My packing and preparing started that night and with little sleep and no sleep on Thursday night I was ready to roll out of here to a place deemed to be safer twenty miles away at day break Friday morning. I live on a bay connected to a river that feeds from the inlet only about four miles away. So staying here was not an option even though I rode out other storms in the past, they came from the west. 

Where I went was anything but optimum other than for safety's sakes. I ended up staying in the room where the relative just died and one of the other people there related to the dead family member is one of my absolute least favorite people in the world. This person fed my mother lie upon lie about another family member also present. As if being around this person wasn't bad enough the entire atmosphere was thick with evil. I slept off and on as much as I could just to escape the surroundings. Saturday night I got no sleep for the feeling of being surrounded by negativity and the evil was so dominant it caused anxiety. I told my mother I felt like I had been up all night fighting demons. She said she could feel it too.

At least the house I was at did not lose electricity which was amazing being the people on all sides of us did and there was no damage except one tree falling over.  So, I was able to watch storm news on TV and stay cool in AC. The way the house was situated, the back porch was on the opposite side of the wind so much of the hurricane was experienced from being outside on the porch which was pretty exhilarating. We rode the storm out okay there but had to stay two nights in this environment which I believe stressed me out more than all other aspects of the event.

I got word it was okay to return to my house on Sunday and arrived just before dark in time to assess roof damage, water damage inside, a ceiling compromised by the water that leaked in from the roof, various minor damages all around the outside of the house, carpet damage upstairs and downstairs and some furniture damage inside and a wall of crud that came almost up to the house from the bay tide surge. There was a tide surge from the road as well coming from the other side of the house and the two lines almost met. The house had been surrounded by water. The dock took damage and was in one point lifted off of the pilings. The yard is generally a complete mess. 

I am still dealing with all of this and my house looks like a tornado went off inside for moving furniture until the roof can be fixed in the event more rain gets in. It already has once. The downstairs is especially challenging to deal with because I raised as much furniture and furnishings off the floor as possible in the event of severe flooding.

Without going into details, my life was already collapsing in various ways before this storm and related events and now it seems overwhelming. I only thought I knew the feeling of being overwhelmed prior to the storm. I wasn't even close. 

I have insurance but there is an almost  $10,000 deductible so who knows if any of this will actually be covered. 

STILL - I am aware people lost their lives, their homes and everything they owned and considering how bad this storm really was, I feel blessed! I have to get the pictures and videos put together prior to Monday when the insurance agency is supposed to come out and will post a few at that time. I still have major things to clean up. I don't know when things will get back to any sort of normal. 

Now, having said "back to normal" I realize my life will never be back to normal because I was preparing to sell my house just prior to this event. I had just done a two week clean and prep to get ready for the real estate pictures and was down to nothing left to do but the floors. Considering they will have to be cleaned at best if not replaced at worse, I guess it's a good thing I hadn't got that done yet. But now I am starting all over and I need this house on the market FAST and with the damages, what will that do to my timing for getting it up for sale or for the price of sale or for finding anyone who would want to deal with what I won't be able to fix?

I appreciate all prayers for God to work this out, because I have no idea how I myself could ever make this into something good. I have faith but I'm tired, and a little bit in shock.