I Tell Myself, "This is Progress!"

What the hell happened?

This is not my beautiful house………..

I froze my booty off today at the flea market where even gloves and a heavy coat were ineffective against the first winter nor’easter combined with the cold front sweeping in from the North West. It is warm in the cabin but it took my bones about five hours to warm up once I got back here, even though they still ache. 

Let’s see…. 64.10 in cash divided by 5 hours, divided by 2 people, equals about 6 dollars an hour. I am selling my personal items so I can take the cash as is, but if I had to earn a salary to take home the same 6 bucks after taxes, that would put it closer to as if I earned 8 dollars an hour for hard labor in cold weather for a comparison. 

BUT STILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NO!!!! That really sucks and I want to know who to write to demand that I make a minimum wage of $15.00 an hour!  I think back through all my life to see, this is a new personal low for income earning.

But, I tell myself this is progress! 

Because what else am I going to tell myself? 

That I am a failure? 

I have to convince ME that this is moving on. Yes, I am reducing my inventory in storage, and things to deal with for the rest of my life. I am making extra money that I need to help get this yacht more comfortable and functional so thriving can happen. (At some point.) 

I am keeping active, limber and burning off calories. Lifting, toting, walking, climbing ladders, climbing stairs, moving boxes, stacking, packing, unpacking, repeat….

I am learning the strength at my disposal still! 

I am moving in faith still! I know my needs but not how God will fulfill them.

I haven’t begun to formulate hopes and dreams yet much less how I can achieve them, but I believe some day they will come to me and once again I will be formulating a plan and charting new directions. 

I know there is only one port in this storm of a life and it is God. I am tied up at the dock now, but not for long. This ship will sail again under the winds, skies and currents the captain will both provide and steer me through. I am the vessel and free will makes me also the navigator. 

I tell myself this is progress. 

And, I hope I don’t lose my mind in the mean time. 

Until I get my semblance of an office in the mid cabin, I tolerate the TV habits of the rest of the crew watching one of ten channels that come in over the antenna usually blasting some old show or a crime program day and night. I can’t get away from it for working in the Galley Dinette is my only option right now.

I hate TV. I have never been surer of that.

Although it is easier to keep a small space clean, and it takes far less time, the urge to constantly keep things neat, organized and uncluttered seems like a never ending job. Moving from a very large house to a yacht of 48 feet is starting to feel claustrophobic. It seems necessary to be obsessive about having everything in its place all the time. I don’t like obsessions. Not even those that have good results. 

I often feel lonely, empty, uncertain, tired, sad, and sometimes wishing I could live in denial.  I also feel God within, moving me through those feelings to a place of peace. 

I am continually extremely challenged and I bet everyone who knows me would say how much I love a good challenge. I took this one to task months ago but I really never thought it would last this long. Reality set in, and now I think there is a year ahead before I am done, at best. 

In the meantime, I pray and pray and pray!

I wake up each day and take the tests demanded of my soul with thankfulness.

Again and again I tell myself this is progress.

And, I smile as much as possible.